In The Name of Development

Over the years, I have seen many beautiful trees being chopped down due to development. Each time I see it being done (cut or re-shaped to man's whims & fancies), I feel really sad. They each have a history and memories but few take the time to seek, understand & treasure them just as they are.

New Beginnings

Today, Friday 30th December 2005 is the last day of work for me!

Christmas weekend came and went. It was like just another day in my life except all around me was celebrating the birth of Christ in the commercial way.
As for me, it was reflective with lots of matters of the heart at question yet a sense of peace.
I looked around, during Christmas Morning Mass and recognized there were so many who were sad, in pain, grieving and didn’t feel or express that festivity (outwardly) yet in their own hearts something was happening & taking place in their own way.
I identified with them.

“Christmas isn’t Christmas till it happens in my heart.
Somewhere deep inside me is where Christmas really starts.”

Everyday can be Christmas when it happens in my heart.
The realization.
The awakening that starts from deep within.

I could not find any strength or courage to go for Midnight Mass. Found 101 excuses why I should not go but the crux of it was - I was too afraid to feel the pain I knew I would feel during Mass, especially the offering of wine & breaking of bread (Eucharist), calling to mind all those who have gone before us and proclaiming Christ in my life was all too emotional for me to handle at moments like this.
Prior to that, during dinner I had a sip or two of red wine which made me tipsy and every reason not to go and forget about it. Just letting Christmas Eve pass as quiet as possible, if I could!

Yet on Christmas day, I found enough courage to go for Mass and it was good. Although during Eucharist I offered Him all that I was, am and will be, the fear I felt yet, it was ok. Tears flowed but it was a release – a sort of letting go of my pain and grief of missing them yet knowing deep within that gripping fear is so real and despite whatever goes on (inside), God is still with me.

After all’s been said and done, experienced and lived – it is all about Jesus.
My life is in His hands. He holds me to Himself.
He is still who He is.
Nothing can and ever will change that reality.
For that I am ever grateful & thankful.

Next year will be a time of waiting (more of that!), a time of adventure of the unknown inter-minggling with fear and excitement. Yet a sense of expectancy of what could be in store.
Time is here (a decision I have made over the years) for me to equip myself with basic foundations of what I think I would like to do (art & play therapy with children) yet am open to the unknown – where all these will lead me to.

Family Dinner

Last Friday, 23 December 2005 we had our brothers & their families over for dinner. I managed to make Baked Stuffed Chicken (instead of turkey) with Baked Potatoes, Carrots and Corn, Simple Salad and Mama's Baked Honey Chicken.

Of course the children had a great & exciting time especially swamping themselves with all the toys. Never a dull moment being with them.

My Christmas Gift

Christmas is just round the corner. Everybody is busy. The town is busy. The malls are full of people shopping and all seem to be rushing about and around!!!
December is always a very 'busy' month. Busy in the sense - as the year comes to an end, reflecting on what happened in year 2005, what I've learnt, how it has enriched, blessed or 'damaged' me by the experiences and what is in store as the coming year approaches.

I haven't had much time to sit with my thoughts at all and am in quite a blurrr... actually as to even when Christmas day is. Although I know it's on the 25th. but it hasn't really sunk in me yet. To be honest, I partially do not want to be fully involved with reality as Christmas season has always been a painful time for me although everything and everyone around me seem to be in a jolly-happy-good mood.

Been trying to tell myself to treat this year's Christmas differently (the real truth/meaning behind Christmas - the birth of Chirst who brough light and love to mankind) yet ... as much as i try to embrace this reality... my heart is far from it.

My longing to celebrate Christ's brith (Christmas) with my family and the ones I love dearly who believes in Christ is far from becoming true. There is no oneness, no unitedness and no togetherness (in our believes) which I long for so much in a family and with the ones I love. This hurts very much.

Christmas has never been the same (since all those whom I loved and treasure dearly left us) yet it is still the same(God IS with us) and I am thankful for that.

Here I am, celebrating yet another painful Christmas (although in the midst of believers yet the aloneness felt is much greater than ever especially during this season) and missing all those who have gone before us.

I wonder, how much longer.
I don't know but ... I pray for Grace & Mercy.
All that I am, all that I have ... is all I have this Christmas.
This season of Christmas, pain is my gift to You Lord.
For You are with me (even in my pain).
Emmanuel (God) with us.

Night Market

Every Tuesdays, Pasar Malam (Night Market) is at Ipoh Garden East area - behind Jusco & the row of shop houses. It's our (Mama & I) weekly affair as the Laksa (rice noodles in sour fish soup) at this particular stall we go to week after week is just so tasty and mouth watering! We'll 'tar pow' (take away) for Lil'Sistah just before we head home.

And every Wednesdays, the Pasar Malam is at Stadium. That's where my Lil'Sistah prefers to go to.

Even Chie & Miki (Japanese friends) since introducing them to this particular stall enjoys the Laksa tremendously! It's amazing to see how much they enjoy our local food. Almost every Tuedsays after Assessment, we'll head towards the Pasar Malam and the 1st thing is to visit the Laksa stall. Before they left, they asked if they could take the couple home with them?!

Then a stroll round the Pasar Malam, looking at stuff (like DVDs, VCDs, CDs, fruits, vegs. & etc.) and the next thing we will do is look out for the 'Tai Kau Meen' (in Cantonese) or 'Apom' (Chinese style) stall.

At one time, we used to have Apoms so much (between the 2 of us) that we become friends with the couple (hearing impaired). Those short moments every week while waiting for our orders, allowed me to at least converse some of the more simple sign languages with the wife. But when she signs too fast, I get lost and just smile ... She knows I know only very little sign but even so, we've become friends.

When Errol was here, he took pictures of their children & their stall. I later made some copies for them. They are a lovely family. Recently, she gave birth to a baby boy so we haven't seen her for awhile now. Their 2 older children & sometimes their parternal granny helps their dad out plus it's their school holidays.

There is another young lady who has an accessory stall at the Pasar Malam. We've become friends too. I used to see her at the gym but couldn't place her initially but, later realised I've seen her at the Pasar Malam. So, that's how we've become friends over the months.

It's amazing how God brings the most unexpected people into our lives and allow our paths to cross. I don't know His reasons or purposes but this is life happening every day. May I live today and every day well. And even if I don't, it's ok. That is also life happening.
What I do know is I've been so blessed by them - their very lives.

Sushi King

Sandy & I have been talking about going to Sushi King for a meal together for months. She knows how I enjoy the bland food with wasabi. She too! And recently, she became a member so we/she could enjoy going there more frequently. But ... we haven't done it yet.

Anyway, today (during lunch) we made plans to go there for dinner tomorrow (Wed, 30 Nov). Shall visit the sales at Popular Bookshop first before going for Sushi King. Lai Yin (aka 'Lion') will also be joining us.

Last week, the 3 of us went to watch 'Chicken Little'. I didn't enjoy it as all (although Chicken Little was rather cute!). The animation and colours were not to my liking. Very unusual. It didnt't seem like Walt Disney's trademark at all. I'd expected it to be much better. They were always excellent in all their animations :(

I went for another movie with Sheila and the gym friends (Mei & Tan) the same week. We watched 'Exorcism of Emily Rose'. Now ... that was excellent!!! It wasn't as scary as I'd thought it'll be but how the story (based on true story of Emily Rose) unfolded itself through the court case and it's findings. The conversations were great with excellent acting. The crux of it is how GOOD always truimphs over evil. Even when there seem to be no way out!

Aquaria KLCC, Malaysia

I didn't manage to capture any beautiful pictures on camera but the beauty I captured are all in my memory bank. It's not as big as the one in Langkawi (where I spent hours in there) but a good change of scene especially at KLCC (where all you can do is shop... shop... shop... or window shop or eat! eat! eat!).

To get to Aquaria, it's a little silly as you have to go through KLCC's car park at the basement which connects to KL Convention Centre Complex, then up the lift. Yet, don't be discouraged. It's worth that 'silly walk through the car park at the basement' of getting there from KLCC.

My goodness!!! I have not posted anything for nearly a month.

During the Deepavali & Hari Raya week, I was away in Singapore for a retreat with Auntie Daul and Sr. Elizabeth at Marymount Convent.
It was so good to be there again after such a long time. Haven't been there for years - can't recall how long though. It was really good to see Auntie Daul and Auntie Chai again. Auntie Chai is really frail and weak now but her spirit is still on high. It was sad when we said our goodbyes. It was as if we were saying our final 'goodbyes' till we meet again.

2 weekends ago I went to KL by myself. The time alone with me was a refreshing welcome. I visited Petaling Street, the British Council, UK Education Exhibition Fair and....... my highlight was visiting 'Aquaria". Well, you all know how I love the underwater world !!!

The Network commitee has agreed to my 6 months leave starting mid February 2006 till mid August 2006 (which I applied end of July). They don't feel I should resign hence have given me half paid leave which I really did not expect. Bless them!

Been busy trying to finish as much as I can before next month (when a Japanese Volunteer [JV] arrives) and before I take my long leave.

Currently, Network is undergoing a major repair - ceiling, roofing, painting and touching up the whole place where needs be. The bunch of workers (actually a family affair - Mom, Dad & Son) are really nice people. We've had some really good conversations. They will be keeping me company for the next 3 weeks. I am hoping they will finish all the work by 2nd week of December 2005.

Phew! We finally managed to find someone to come in to work at Network. JV is expected to arrive KL on the 16th December and officially in Ipoh on 20th December.
Am also arranging for JV's short term (6-7 months) accomodation and getting their office space ready.

It's going to be exciting with all the new changes and adjustments.

I can't help but wonder what next month and next year will hold. Yet, it'll be a wonderful change and a time of expecting the unexpected. I am open and let's see where all these leads me to.

After a While ...

Lessons we learn ... along this journey (Life).
I recall a time when I shared with Foong Yin "Life is a journey, not a destination" (a quote which struck me greatly while we were watching the movie 'Anna & The King' by Jodie Foster & Chow Yuen Fatt).

How true it is, we've discovered and yet continually discovering (over & over again...)
Friends whom He sends, to walk with us.

Thank you for being there during my darkest & scariest moments, Sheila.
This poem by Veronica A. Shoffstall is dedicated to you.


"After a while you learn
The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong and you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn with every good bye, you learn"

Limau Tambun

Seen here, is a peeled Pamelo. The locals (Malaysian) call them Limau Bali / Limau Besar / Limau Tambun. Widely grown in South East Asia ~ Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand & China.

Pamelo comes from the citrus family. Like grapefruit ~ only it's much bigger, thicker in skin, luscious flesh, high nutritional value (although some Chinese believes it's "Sup Yeet" (in Cantonese which means heaty) and taste much better. There are 2 types here (Ipoh, Perak State in Malaysia) ~ sweet & bitter sweet. I prefer the sweet type.

Although in Ipoh, Pamelos are in abundance but we hardly ever buy them. Why ??! I wonder ...
We (Lil' Sistah & I) only realised last night (after buying) that we have taken this luscious fruit for granted ...

So ... it is with life.
What we have in abundance we do not appreciate! yet we go around longing for something else we do not have. Something to ponder upon ... in relation with our lives, too.

Praying Our Belovedness

Mid September, I went for a Silent Retreat "Praying Our Belovedness" at Maranatha Retreat House near Genting Highlands. Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" is the inspiration of this retreat and Sr. Bubbles, r.c. (Cenecal Sister from the Philippines) was the retreat director who guided us through a journey to help us discover that we are the Beloved!, a 'coming home' to the reality of the Love of our lives, which was there before we experience any rejection and will remain even after all other rejections take place.

Excerpts from my journal (Henri's writing inter-minggling with mine) :

"For me it is not getting something out of my system but to take in, that deepens & strengthens my sense of goodness & allow my anguish/wounds to be embraced by Love
I will discover, the more Love I can take in & hold on to, the less fearful I will become (let this prayer manifest in me. Be real in my life, where I no longer fear tomorrow, people or anything which the mysteries of life brings coz' I have You, Lord)
I will speak more simply, more directly, more freely about what is important to me without fear of other's rejection (my utmost prayer, too)
I will use fewer words. Trusting that I communicate my true self even when I do no speak much
(which I have observed in some friends who God have graciously allowed us to cross paths)
The more I come to know myself (spirit, mind & body) as truly Loved, the freer I will be
This is the freedom I long for as a child of God"

Ipoh Old Town

There is a new cafe in Old Town, Ipoh. Have been there twice now with Sheila. She loves the curry mee there.

This shop faces Ipoh padang & St. Michael school. It would be lovely if it wasn't so crowded. On a quiet day enjoying a cuppa 'whatever' (tea or coffee or hot chocolate) facing the field and open landscape is a peaceful sight.

As you enter, it feels like you have gone to an ol' Chinese coffee shop once upon a time. It has that effect and ambience - the dark wood colour deco. and white paints.
They serve 'Old Town' (a famous brand name now of Ipoh old town) coffee with traditional food back in the old days (eg. egg on toast, Ipoh white coffee, kaya-butter toast & etc.).

Shall go there with Sandy & Lai Yin one day. With Sandy, I have hope but with Lai Yin... well, that will have to be some good fine day when she is not busy (which is seldom!).
I know Kim will like this place. She has probably gone to the one in Ipoh Garden South (1st shop).

Trees

Another passion of mine.
Trees and I are inseparable.
Something unspoken, yet a 'knowing' within.
A connection, a sense of being.
Oneness with Nature.

Are you hungry?

One of my passions in life ... Food !

It brings much joy preparing them when you know your family & friends will enjoy them to the last bite. Don't be surprised ... some of them will lick their plate clean !!!

Seen here :
'Sheila's Exotic Salad' (what's so exotic about it? Well, you need to try to know what I mean. It does wonders to me - something unexplainable)
'Alice's Ever Famous Potatoe Salad' (if you are lucky you wait half a year to a year before she makes them !!! *smiling*)
'Ma's Tomato Grilled Chicken' and
'Herb Pasta'

Beauty, in the eyes of the beholder

" Baby corn" Art

Can you guess what this is?

The family came over for curry dinner at my place last Saturday (01 Oct 2005).

While preparing dinner, I saw beauty unfolding before my eyes.

It was not planned but a creation of some sort started to form. In fact, these were to be thrown away. Yet, it brought so much pleasure while unpeeling them away.

Amazingly... the pciture came out so clear & pretty !!

Yet again, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

What is Life ?

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it
Life is beauty, admire it
Life is bliss, taste it
Life is a dream, realise it
Life is a challenge, meet it
Life is a duty, complete it
Life is a game, play it
Life is a promise, fulfill it
Life is sorrow, overcome it
Life is a song, sing it
Life is a struggle, accept it
Life is a tragedy, confront it
Life is an adventure, dar it
Life is luck, make it
Life is too precious, do not destroy it
Life is life, fight for it

~ Mother Teresa ~

Garden Beauties

Although my garden (fr0nt) is small, it's become very pretty. My garden managers (Ma & Lil'Sistah) are wonderful garderners!!! The director... well, that's another Sistah (she also gets to enjoy them without getting dirt on her! Ha ha ha ...). Without them, there would be no such beauties & treasures to enjoy. It's become our little heavan!

Refreshing Rain

It is indeed refreshing after a good down pour. Everything in the garden seem to perk up cheerpy & bright !!!

When I took this after the rain when I got back from work, it reminded me it is so with me, too. Every now & then, I need a good down pour. How refreshed I feel after that, even though still some soreness & tenderness. Painful, yet so necessary. It helps me grow & continues to remind me to be rooted where I belong. My Belovedness.

Little Treasures in Life

I am still new in this blogging thing !!! Still fiddling around to see what I can do here and how it works.

I've tried a few places to post some pictures and my thoughts but after 30 days, they send you an e-mail saying...

'Ok. Time's up!!! If you still want to continue, pay up! Hm.... *sigh*).

As I will be away early next year (2006) for 6 months, I thought I will start something online (where no fees are due) to journal my journey (thoughts, days & happenings in my life). It is also a place where we could come together (at your own pace), share thoughts, memories & especially to keep in touch with one another - with precious friends like you, whom I treasure very much!!!
Now... let me post this and see what shows up on the page!