Christmas is just round the corner. Everybody is busy. The town is busy. The malls are full of people shopping and all seem to be rushing about and around!!!
December is always a very 'busy' month. Busy in the sense - as the year comes to an end, reflecting on what happened in year 2005, what I've learnt, how it has enriched, blessed or 'damaged' me by the experiences and what is in store as the coming year approaches.
I haven't had much time to sit with my thoughts at all and am in quite a blurrr... actually as to even when Christmas day is. Although I know it's on the 25th. but it hasn't really sunk in me yet. To be honest, I partially do not want to be fully involved with reality as Christmas season has always been a painful time for me although everything and everyone around me seem to be in a jolly-happy-good mood.
Been trying to tell myself to treat this year's Christmas differently (the real truth/meaning behind Christmas - the birth of Chirst who brough light and love to mankind) yet ... as much as i try to embrace this reality... my heart is far from it.
My longing to celebrate Christ's brith (Christmas) with my family and the ones I love dearly who believes in Christ is far from becoming true. There is no oneness, no unitedness and no togetherness (in our believes) which I long for so much in a family and with the ones I love. This hurts very much.
Christmas has never been the same (since all those whom I loved and treasure dearly left us) yet it is still the same(God IS with us) and I am thankful for that.
Here I am, celebrating yet another painful Christmas (although in the midst of believers yet the aloneness felt is much greater than ever especially during this season) and missing all those who have gone before us.
I wonder, how much longer.
I don't know but ... I pray for Grace & Mercy.
All that I am, all that I have ... is all I have this Christmas.
This season of Christmas, pain is my gift to You Lord.
For You are with me (even in my pain).
Emmanuel (God) with us.
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