It's not Fair!!!

He speaks when i least expect and at odd places & times, too.

On the way back from Paris late one night on the motoway where everyone's so dead tired and just couldn't wait to get back when He spoke ever so gently and softly to my aching heart once again.

i had a day of rest. Since the group had decided to go to Paris, i took a lift with them.

While in Paris, sightseeing and taking in everything that was going/happening around me i could not but help feeling so alone & small in the midst of all that was going on around me.
Watching people going by, doing what they were doing. I just sat and watched the world go by (listening to street band playing, in the distance another group of youngster were break-dancing to hip-hop music, children laughing, playing, running in the sand by the river, sunbathers worshiping the sun, couples strolling hand in hand, hugging, stealing a moment to kiss, uttering words of love, families posing for pictures, cruise boats sailing up & down the river, cyclist breezing by with headphones stuck in their ears, birds singing in the distance, cool breeze caressing my face and hair) discovering yet again this deep pain & hunger of isolation, rejection, aloneness and self pity. Tears slowly welling up in my heavy and burdened heart, crying out to Him.

Just before the 1st drop of tears could spill, I picked myself up again, find my composure, started to brush them aside and continue my city sightseeing and busied myself with the sights around me, taking pictures while holding on tight to my tightened heart.

Long after i'd forgotten about it and on our way back, my heart started to well up again. i had such resentment and anger brewing...

Then tears just streamed down my face and i was uttering to myself,
'This is just not fair. Life is not fair. Why do i have to experience this pain of being alone and need to continuously struggle with this issue all my life? It's not FAIR!'

Just as i'd uttered those words, this lady who has learning difficulties turns her head round. Calls me, looked straight in my eyes through the sillouhetes in darkness and said,
'Aaaaaliceeeeee....'

'Yes', i replied.

'It'sssss nooooooot faaaair!'

In the dark, i shrugged my shoulders, nodded as i faced her and replied,
'Yes. It's not fair. But this is the way it is. Life is not fair.'

She said,
'Buuuuuuuutttt I doooon't likeeeee ittt.
I haaaaaaaateeeeeee itttttt.'

'i know, Girl. i know you don't like it. i know you hate it. i hate it, too. But life is like that. i know it's difficult. Very difficult, Girl. It's difficult for me too, Girl.'

i could not utter the next word coz i was also then speaking to myself i'd realised... by then.
'You' was at the tip of my tongue but i held back and replied,
'We need to learn to accept that life is not fair, Girl. It's very difficult. But that is the way it is.'
'And it's ok. It is alright.'

Tears was just streaming down my face, so humbled by the whole moment. I was on holy ground in that car drive back from Paris that night.

She continued to look at me intensely and a smile broke on her face and her eyes lit up.
She said,
'Yes, it's ok. It's alright.'

He spoke with such simplicity and gentleness once again. In awe and humbleness, i let my tears wash my face. So gently & slowly i found peace and strength once again.