Nature Healing & Restoring

I had this image since last summer when I was in Lajoskomarom, Hungary and I’ve been carrying it in my heart since then.

Finally, I’ve managed to inked them down. Mindfully, meditatively line by line.

I feel what the Earth feels and what She is going through. Despite our mindless ignorance, power and greed … over and again, Mother Nature is ever so compassionate, gracious, kind and loving towards us.

She knows we need Her. She keeps birthing and evolving.

Yet, enough is enough! She knows what is needed.

Mother Nature has a way of restoring, healing and claiming her space not only for Her elf but for us mankind, too. Not only for you or me as an individual but for all of us collectively.

“Some call me Nature, others call me mother nature

I’ve been here for over four and half billion years

Twenty-two thousand five hundred times longer than you

I don’t really need people but people need me

Yes, your future depends on me

When I thrive, you thrive

When I falter, you falter or worse

But I’ve been there for aeons

I have fed species greater than you and

I have starved species greater than you

How you chose to live each day whether you regard or

disregard me doesn’t really matter to me

One way or the other your actions will determine your fate not mine

I am nature

I will go on

I am prepared to evolve

Are you?

NATURE DOES NOT NEED PEOPLE

PEOPLE NEED NATURE”

- Conservation International

Holy Week Has A Way Of Telling Its LOVE Stories in Our Lives!

The week leading to Easter has and continues to speak even when I am not fully aware or listening. Yet this gentle nudges, gracious Love continues to watch over and love just as I am without force of any invasion. Very gently and slowly, I tune in and listen the call in my heart.

This is the first arrangement I was asked to do when I first arrived L'Arche London community in 2006. A community of adults with learning difficulties and without who are Assistants who supports,works, live, play, celebrate, cry, fight, cook, eat, pray and everything together.

The resurrected cross. I was honored to arrange them.The whole process from start to end was all left on my own device. I was independent of making a choice and making it happen no matter how or what it turned out. The beauty of L'Arche community all over the world. You are loved, accepted and belonged - just as you are!

The following year LilSistah Hwa (aka Sherin) was very honored to played Jesus, the very year she arrived in the community and she walked one station of the cross to the next carrying the cross to The Vine house. Sharing life and work, building deeper relationship with people with special needs was truly an experience of a lifetime plus, to share holy week and Easter with everyone who came from all over the world.

Oh yes! Her wished came true, too. Snow! It snowed on Easter. Never before ever in history we were told that it snowed but it did, just for LisSistah Hwa.

The whole story of Maundy Thursday - washing of the feet, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday - Christ's ressurection came to live for her, for the first time in her life. She realised God’s deep and wondrous, unconditional love. So, begins both both our stories coming together. Our journey of healing and reconciliation.

The year where our sisterly relationship dug deeper and deeper and we had the opportunity to trash and throw out many a conversation which was very challenging, difficult and painful about our struggles being sisters. The differences in our thoughts, perceptions, outlook and you name it - everything! 

We cried many tears, we laughed many a joyous moment, we fought, we love each other so deeply yet we hurt each other so deeply, so unconsciously just because we were just such different and unique special persons in our own selves. We were just ‘day’ and ‘night’.

Yet during that year, we were blessed with the grace and love of healing and reconciliation. Our deep love for one another was undeniable and inseparable. We both found a much deeper connection base on our love and the unconditional love of God. We finally found much peace with ourselves and being sisters, it's ok to have our differences and the main things was acceptance even though it's not understood. It was ok.

That was the year of our turning point as blood sisters.

I miss you so much. My heart bleeds and weeps when I think of you and start missing you. Yet, I know somewhere in me you have resurrected, risen. No longer suffers this human life's sufferings. Your spirit is free and you are soaring high above. Places and dreams are infinite, only the limitatopm of my imagination.

You had a heart of precious gold. I knew then in my head yet, I know now in a much deeper sense - in my heart I never knew before until now. How precious this realisation is. Tears of healing and deeper reconciliation of our spirits are taking place as I write this experience now.

Deep inside, I believe it is far more greater than any unimaginable experience uip are experiencing now. Your dreams to paint. I bet you are painting your dream life now! in a realm where none of us are capable of fathoming or imagining in this tiny little understanding or comprehension mind or heart.

You have evolved. You are everywhere. It's only a thought or memory away ... that's where you are now. You hear. You listen to my innermost being, the unspoken voice and thoughts in my heart and mind. 

Fly. Evolve. Be what you were meant to be in your next life.

I love you, my Darling Beloved LisSistah Hwa <3 span="">

I am among the Trees, a work in progress!

"Unless a seed falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."

My version :

“Unless I fall into the earth and die, I remain alone; but if I die, I bear much fruit.”

Experiencing this period of Ms Corona, if I survive it, I am reminded again to live in the Unknown. How to transform this time of Unknown into Possibility. Living the Unknown is a spiritual practice, for me to say the least. It takes me deeper into my spirit of contemplation and reflection.

Instead of allowing and letting my restlessness and anxiety invent all sorts of fear and worry (which I admit I was engulfed on some occasion. I am human. It’s perfectly alright! ;)) which gives me the illusion of how I must handle my situation, stay on top of things and feeling compelled to stay informed on the latest ‘news’ … it is equally-perfectly OK to fall down into the dark abyss of my vulnerability. To surrender and find that courage to say ‘I DON’T KNOW. I don’t know where this is going or where it is taking me.’

When I learn to accept and dwell (taken me 3 weeks to ‘settle down inwardly’) in the Unknown, I drop into the earth of the ever embracing grace and love of comfort and peace. In not knowing the Unknown I find little treasures of aloneness, emptiness, the brewing chaos of the uncertainties which grows into something new and inspiring.

Love.

Love grows out of empathy, compassion and tenderness.

A common humanity shared amongst us.

I can get stuck and stop growing when I feel I am ‘right’ and I am ‘doing well’. Love becomes a struggle of competition out of chasing ‘something’, loosing track of myself. I cannot love. I am too heavily surrounded by characters of concepts, illusions, perceptions, structure and order.

Love asks me to fall into the earth and die, break down, break free, break open like a seed ... for this is where I will bear much fruit.

"The light is among you ... Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he (or she) is going. While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons (and daughters) of light."

Let's face this Unknown together

Let Spring, spring back into our lives.

Didn’t plan to write this yet here I am.

Very timely to receive an affirmation of what I was feeling and going through. I wonder if any of you feel what I felt and how to keep yourselves from further damage if unaware of such a thing.
This may not be true to some coz they may not possess this degree of experience (at the same time, this doesn’t mean some haven’t got any in these within) or be totally honest with ourselves.
But for some of us, this is real and it matters. This does not in any way shout out ‘weakness’ in any form. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

This is something I cannot help myself with. I am made this way and I just need to learn how to live (not cope. Coping is brushing the matter underneath the carpet) and deal with it. To stay above and rise up against the tidal wave washing over me. I am very careful, choosing wisely what and how much information to read, receive or take in. You may notice, I sometimes do not open or see all the forwarded messages or videos sent. This is my way, of sieving what is needed and what is not needed for my well-being.

Yet, I was hit hard!

Last Friday, after the crazy mad rush or doing all the essential shopping (Left about 11am, which took 3 hours +, what would’ve taken only an hour +), before completely being locked down … I came home completely zapped out and exhausted beyond words.

I felt all the anxiety, tension, stress and weight around me when I was out. Before that, as I got ready to go out I’d somehow felt like I was going out for a ‘battle’ (later, I realised what the battle I was preparing myself for) and it sure did feel like it (though not in the physical realm but in the unseen – the energy and air around).
Did all the necessaries at home and by the time I finally sat down (which was by then 5pm-ish), all I could do was stare at the ceiling and was spaced out somewhere in my internal cave. Didn’t even want to look at the mobile phone nor laptop at all.

Basically, I just purged myself from all social medias completely for 3 days. Yesterday, I came back on just to keep abreast of any necessary and important updates then went offline again. Today, I am back again but with limited time too.

This is my way of keeping and staying well mentally and emotionally.

What I received from my brother-in-law which was very timely is an article called ‘Empathy Hurt’.
It says, ‘Empathy Hurt’ is “when we have been paying a lot of attention to the current pandemic crisis, news and information for a long time, the substitution caused by compassion will hurt our mental well-being and health, making us feel anxious, worried, depressed, angry and even mentally broken.”

How many of us are aware of this?

Well, it goes on to say, “… when we take in too much, it will make us feel ‘breathless’ (exactly, how I’d felt last Friday even though I have been mindful and careful). Psychological stress will cause the rise of body stress and lead to a rapid decline in body immunity …”

With this affirmation, I realised I’d done the right thing last Friday to keep and stay well (as much as I am able to. The rest is sup to the Unknown. Being aware and prepared that I could possibly be a carrier. Who knows? Only the Great I Am does).

By purging myself completely from the social medias, by staying in my cocoon and cave protecting and guarding myself just resting, sleeping, painting, drawing, cataloguing photos, documents, having meaningful conversation and laughing heartily certainly helped.

Oh yes! I watched the hillls and mountains, the scenery spread before me - watching the traffic passing by, listening to the sounds of vehicles and know ‘this’ sounds different, look up to see a train of gigantic army trucks going up north transporting some kind of metal steel bars and others are covered up so can’t tell what was inside.

For those who process the power of empathy (a good quality to have yet can drain us out when not careful), watch out for yourself.
 Watch your own backs.
Know these signs to look out for.
Stay well and keep well.

Do what you need to do (despite what others may say, coz only you know yourself better than them) to keep your sanity and balance.
Rejuvenate and refresh yourself again.
Stay blessed.

Sending love, positive energy, courage, strength, hope and peace to all.
❤️🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳❤️

Where do I begin?

My first post since last year. Where do I begin? Again, much has happened since then.

Today is the 12th day of lockdown, 8th day of restricted movement and 2nd day of quarantine!

These two photos show how quiet and trafffic-less the North-South highway is which will go down on this day in history.

We have come to this day when the whole world is hit with Coronavirus (Covid-19). It is my believe, it's Natures own way of shutting everything down, rejuvenating and healing itself while it also claim lives to balance itself and us out.

Life and Death.
They both go hand in hand.

I cannot fear Death for it will leave me crippled and fearful to live.
I will therefore be-friend Death for it will give me Life to live to it's fullest and be happy in all that I am.

May we be granted the Grace, Mercy, Strength, Courage and Love to live, to accept what is and live a fulfilling happy life, despite what is at hand.

When All Is Said And Done ... What's Left?

My heart aches as I write this.I need a space and place to pour myself out for in keeping them in... it hurts even more

My LilSistah ... 
She is going to soar and fly hign very soon now
leaving us on this earthly life
to venture into death ... the after life
Free from the earthly excruciating pain and suffering 

As much as it hurts and pains my heart to see her go through this
... I see a blessing in disguise
as she and us still have the opportunity of saying 'goodbye', making all the necessary preperations to the details of her wishes
which i realise not many have such priviledge to do so. 

Knowing her for 51 years,
... what she must be going through
her fears,, her worries, the struggle of letting go everything - her paintings, artworks,, her start of being recognised and valued for her paintings in the art world, reaching recognition and status of soaring even greater heights
her worry, anxiety and fear of leaving her husband h=behind knowing how much he is oging to struggle without her and the speeration
You both build a dream.. a dream home, all pretilly decorated and specifications to the hilt of where and what it would become one day came to pass
but who know that the day you both came back to your dream home...
was the time you fell ill and only had such a short time of spending these few months of suffering in your sweet dream home 
instead of what your dreams has actually been for both of you 
.. in your retirement years to enjoy and grow ol together
This si far too much for you both to bear
your shattered plans and dreams
like fragile glass smittering onto the ground in just a split of secone
when you found out you had cancer.
... og God...
this is far too much for anyone to bear
even though we know people who have gone through this in our lives where we know they got on with life, some healed, some still carries pain and loss in their hearts
oh God...
have mercy and grace for my precious LilSistah and her husband

I am sorry../ so sorrrrry for I was never enough for you both... especially you
Your expectations of me was too great and heavy to carry and bear yet I did my best when I did
... yet it was never enough
I am so so very sorrrry, my precious LilSistah
my one and only one
who will be leaving us soon

No matter how much I've prepared myself, prepare Mom for your departure
.. it never is ok when the time comes
We will still grief your loss and feel the pain of seperation
how long... no one knows.
Will we every heal... no one knows.
Will we ever come to terms with your departure .. no one knows.
Yet, we know that life still goes on like everyday

Saya Anak Malaysia

I am Malaysian ... first, last and every bits in between

Dear God ... please bring back the good 'ol days of Malaysia we all once used to know and lived.

In the midst of all the 'craziness' and absurdity of our leaders in the political scene and government's new ruling of absurdities ... continue to watch over us.
Grant us grace and wisdom to continue living a positive, fruitful, courageous life.
Let us continue to solider on ... in our daily encounters, words, deeds and gestures.
Showing respect, kindness, grace, love, compassion, courage, hope and unity.


You can take a Malaysian our of the country but you cannot take the Malaysian-ness our of us.
Once a Malaysian, Always a Malaysian.

Saya anak Malaysia.
Dahulu.
Sekarang.
Selalu.

Allah... bless us all fellow Malaysians.